Įkyrūs ritualai kartais apsunkina mūsų gyvenimą ir tampa nenuspėjamu. Kaip atsikratyti balso, diktuojančio mums, kiek kartų reikia nusiplauti rankas ir patikrinti, ar lygintuvas išjungtas?
Žaidimai, kuriuos protas žaidžia su mumis, kartais sukelia daug nepatogumų. Nerimą keliančios, įkyrios mintys labai veikia mūsų gyvenimą. Netgi retkarčiais pas mus apsilankę jie verčia suabejoti: „Ar man viskas gerai, jei aš tai įsivaizduoju?
Worried voices in my head tell me, just in case, to dig up my bag on the way to work (suddenly I forgot my pass), run back home – and if the iron is not turned off. Or constantly wiping your hands with antibacterial wipes (although in a pandemic this habit does not seem so strange to anyone) so as not to catch a terrible disease.
“Even before the coronavirus pandemic, I was terribly afraid of getting sick,” Anna, 31, admits. – I wash my hands up to 30 times a day – as soon as I touch the table, the book, the child’s clothes, I immediately want to rush to the bathroom and almost rub them with a pumice stone. The skin on the palms and fingers has cracked for a long time, creams no longer help. But I can’t stop…
Tačiau nesijaudinkite, dauguma žmonių retkarčiais nuo to kenčia. Psichologas, obsesinių-kompulsinių sutrikimų specialistas Adam Radomsky (Kanada) kartu su kolegomis atliko tyrimą šia tema. Grupė apklausė 700 studentų iš viso pasaulio, o 94% apklaustųjų teigė, kad per pastaruosius tris mėnesius patyrė įkyrių minčių. Ar tai reiškia, kad jiems visiems reikia gydymo? Ne. Bet jūs turite suprasti, kad tokios nemalonios mintys sukelia ne tik nerimą, bet ir pasibjaurėjimą bei gėdą.
Bėda, pradėkite!
Usually, anxious thoughts are not threatening, says psychology professor Stephen Hayes (University of Nevada at Reno). Problems arise when we begin to take them literally or think that they are harmful in and of themselves. By “merging” with them, we begin to consider them as a guide to action. It’s one thing to remember that germs can cause disease, but take the idea lightly. And it is quite another to take a shower five times a day so as not to get sick.
Dalis tų, kurie kenčia nuo įkyrių minčių, taip pat yra prietaringi, pažymi Stephenas Hayesas. Ir net suprasdami, kad mąsto neracionaliai, jie veikia absurdiškų idėjų įtakoje...
“I need to check three times whether I closed the door to the apartment,” says Sergey, 50 years old. – Exactly three, no less. Sometimes, having twisted the keys in the locks only twice, I forget about the third. I remember already in the store or in the subway: I have to go back and check again. If I don’t, it’s like the ground is slipping from under my feet. My wife suggested setting up an alarm – we did it, but this does not calm me down in any way … “
Acting out compulsions is still not completely useless: it helps to calm down here and now, frees from fear. We got home, checked the coffee maker and the iron – they are off, hooray! Now we know for sure that we have avoided a catastrophe. But because of this, we did not meet with friends, we were late for an important meeting.
Performing rituals takes time, and often spoils relationships with loved ones. After all, those who suffer from obsessive thoughts and actions often try to “attach” their partner to them. In addition, once it appears, the obsession or action tends to occupy more and more space in our lives. And you have to wash your hands more often, remove non-existent dust particles from your jacket, throw out the garbage, double-check the locks. We lose our peace of mind – and one day we understand that it cannot continue like this.
Žinoma, su tokiomis istorijomis geriau dirba psichologai. Tačiau yra keletas dalykų, kuriuos galite padaryti, kad padėtų jums įveikti įkyrias mintis ir prievartą.
1. Elkitės su balsu, kuris jums sako, ką daryti
When we are overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts, it seems as if an invisible dictator is ordering how and what to do. And if you do not follow the “recommendations”, the retribution in the form of anxiety and panic will come instantly. No matter how difficult it may be, try to distance yourself, look at these requirements as if from the outside. Who is talking to you? Why does it require an action to be taken immediately? Is it necessary to obey this voice – after all, you don’t even understand to whom it belongs?
Galbūt galėsite sulėtinti greitį prieš dar kartą patikrindami, ar išjungėte viryklę. Sustabdykite ir pabandykite išgyventi nerimą, kurį jaučiate šiuo metu. Su nemaloniais pojūčiais elkitės maloniai ir smalsiai. Neskubėkite daryti to, ką esate įpratę daryti. Atminkite, kad balsas jūsų galvoje, liepiantis nusiplauti rankas, nesate jūs pats. Taip, jis gyvena tavo mintyse, bet tu jam nepriklauso.
Lėtėdami, sustabdydami save akimirkoje, sukuriate atotrūkį tarp apsėdimo ir veiksmo, kurio jis reikalauja iš jūsų. Ir dėl šios pauzės idėja vėl atlikti ritualą šiek tiek praranda savo jėgą, aiškina Stephenas Hayesas.
2. Pakeiskite scenarijų
By learning to stop, to pause between impulse and action, you can try to change the rules of the game. Create an “alternative scenario” – just don’t turn it into a new game, says Stephen Hayes. How to do it? If we are talking about the fear of germs, you can try at the moment when you are seized by the desire to urgently wash your hands, on the contrary, get them dirty in the ground.
In many cases, just do nothing. For example, stay in bed if you want to check again if you closed the door for the night. In general, you need to act exactly the opposite – contrary to what the “voice inside” requires. This will help to defend the right to live their own, independent life. Filled and happy – and even germs can’t stop you.