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It seems simple like that, but hello the hiccups that we did not anticipate! To succeed in the challenge of this new family model, so that parents-in-law and children-in-law are happy to live together, follow the advice of our coach. A brief overview of the pitfalls and their solutions.

“I am not able to love the child of the man I love. It’s stronger than me, I can’t be maternal! “

Sprendimas. It is not because you are in love with a man that you are going to love his children! For the moment, you are not comfortable with kisses, hugs, it is not a rejection, it can evolve over the months. Only day-to-day cohabitation makes it possible to fulfill one’s role of step-parent. Do not feel guilty, you have the right not to feel “maternal” with a child who is not yours, not to love your companion’s children as you would like yours. That doesn’t stop you from being attentive, treating them with respect, caring about their well-being and forming a sympathetic relationship with them.

“When his children are at home, my partner wants me to take care of everything and he blames me for not taking care of it enough. “

Sprendimas.Have a substantive discussion to define each person’s roles. What do you want from me ? What are you doing? Who will do the shopping, prepare meals, wash their clothes? Who is going to make them take the bath, read the evening stories to put them to sleep, take them to play in the park? You will avoid blame by setting concrete limits from the start on what you agree to do or not do.

“My companion’s ex-wife is putting her child against me. “

Sprendimas. Pick up your phone and explain to him that you don’t want to take his place, that, like her, you want the best of his child and that it is better for him that things go well between you. There is no question that you will become the best friends in the world, but a minimum of communication and respect is necessary for the good of all.

 “It’s stronger than me, I’m jealous of the feelings he has for his child. When he’s there, it’s just for him! “

Sprendimas.This child is from a previous union, it materializes the fact that there existed in your lover’s past another woman who was important to your companion. You are not a saint, and even if you have good intentions, your jealousy is a common reaction. Take a look at your personal story and ask yourself why you feel so threatened by this ex-girlfriend who is no longer a romantic rival. And tell yourself that the paternal love that your companion has for his child has nothing to do with the passionate and carnal love he has for you. Let him spend special moments in duet with his child and take the opportunity to see your friends.

“My child does not like my companion and it hurts me to see him so disturbed and hostile. “

Sprendimas. You cannot force love, so accept that your child does not share your enthusiasm for your companion! He’s not in the middle of a love story, unlike you. The more pressure you put into getting your child to love his stepfather, the less it will work. Explain to him that this man is your lover, that he is going to live with you. Add that you have established together the rules that govern family life, that he will have to respect them like everyone else. Add that you love him and that you also love your companion.

“Her child gives me the famous sentence: ‘You’re not my mother! You don’t have the right to order me! ” ” 

sprendimas Ask your partner to support you in your role as a mother-in-law, to openly demonstrate his confidence in you. His support is essential for you to take your place in the new family. And prepare your lines: no, I am not your mother, but I am the adult in this house. There are rules and they are valid for you too!

“I want everything to be fine, I’m afraid of losing my partner and my new family. But there are shouts all the time! “

Sprendimas. Give up wanting everything to go well at all costs. Just because there aren’t open conflicts doesn’t mean everyone is cool. On the contrary ! Affinities cannot be controlled, and conflicts in siblings (recomposed or not) are inevitable. When they erupt, it is painful to live, but it is positive because things are said and externalized. If nothing comes out, everyone will internalize their grievances. But it is appropriate that as a mother-in-law you be vigilant in regulating relationships.

“I am criticized for showing favoritism towards my child. “

Sprendimas.Be very careful to be fair and equitable, not to punish your child less than the other’s. Making too big a difference is very bad for your own child. Children are in empathy, far from rejoicing in his privileged status, yours will feel that it is because of him that we do not consider his quasi-brother or quasi-sister, he will feel guilty and unhappy. for them.

“Her child is trying to turn his father against me. He seeks to destroy our relationship and blow up our new family. “

Sprendimas. A child who feels insecure, who fears losing the love of his parent will seek solutions to avoid the disaster he fears. This is why it is essential to reassure him by reaffirming to him How long he matters, by telling him in simple words that parental love exists forever, no matter what, even if his mum and dad have separated, even if he lives with a new partner. Do not demonize the other’s child, do not position yourself as an enemy of a small child who just wants to be taken care of, who expresses that he is not well and who certainly does not want to destroy your new couple!

“Our children can’t stand being kissed in front of them. “

Sprendimas.When you start a romantic relationship, you are a little selfish. But it is better to avoid demonstrations of love in front of them, especially at the beginning. On the one hand, because children do not have to be involved in adult sexuality, that is none of their business. On the other hand, because we all want our parents to stay together like in fairy tales. Seeing your daddy kiss another woman or your mom kissing another man brings back painful memories.

“I dread the weekends when her child is with us. “

Sprendimas. It is difficult for the child who comes to his parent on the weekend not to feel “too much”. Especially if his parent is looking after another child full time. To help him not to feel less loved than others, arrange for him to share special moments with his parent. He will take those moments away like treasures in the other house.

“Since I got pregnant, my stepchildren are difficult. “

Sprendimas. The unborn child will give flesh to your union. The others had to endure the separation as best they could, but the arrival of a newborn baby is a trauma that can rekindle a jealousy that often goes unreported. Reassure them and explain to them that this birth brings the new family together.