Turinys
New fathers, real chicken dads!
What does it mean to be a father today?
In a recent study entitled “Being a father today”, published by UNAF in June 2016, nearly half of the dads surveyed said they behave “differently” from the mother of their children. And also of their own father. “They say they are more attentive, dialogue more, to be closer to their children, more emotional, and to be more involved in their schooling than their father had done with them”, notes study. To the question “What is a good father?” ”, The men evoke a way of being a father by being“ present, listening, by offering a safe environment where the children can develop ”, or by being a father“ attentive and caring ”. this survey highlights a way of being a father in total opposition to that which dominated in the 70s, rather authoritarian. Another lesson: fathers said they mainly took as role models… their own mother (43%)! Yes, it is mainly from their own mother that they would be inspired to educate their children. Another lesson: 56% of “new dads” believe that society considers their role to be “less important than that of the mother”. While in reality, the reality is much more nuanced.
Dads invested daily
The survey clearly shows the “strong” desire of fathers to get involved, even if in fact, it is women who spend twice as much time with children as men. The main reason given by the fathers interviewed is the time spent at work. Some testify: “I am more than ten hours a day at my place of work, without counting the road and the traffic jams”, or again: “I am absent at lunchtime, and for professional reasons one weekend out of two”, testify -they. Another testimony, that of Mathieu, father of a little Helios, 10 months old. “I am an executive in the communications department of a hospital, so I have fairly wide working hours. My priority is to be there for my son as much as I can, in the morning and in the evening. From 7 a.m. to 7:30 a.m., it’s the mother who takes care of Helios, then I take over and drop him off at 8:30 a.m. at the crèche. I spend about an hour in the morning with him. This is an important moment. In the evening, I come home around 18 p.m. and take care of him for a good hour as well. I give him the bath alternately with the mother, to share as many things as possible, ”he explains.
Reconciling professional and family life
In his book “The Big Book of New Fathers”, Eric Saban, pediatrician, lists 100 questions that young fathers ask themselves. Among them, there are those which concern the reconciliation between professional life and new life with baby. Young fathers clearly want to find the right balance between their professional constraints and the organization with their child. First advice from the pediatrician: the need to set clear limits at work. No work in short at home, cut the professional laptop on weekends, do not consult your professional emails either, in short a real cut is necessary to make the most of your family outside of working hours. Another tip: make lists at work to prioritize emergencies, priorities and what can wait. As Eric Saban explains: “In the end, this allows professional time to be managed as well as possible so that it does not encroach on private life. Don’t hesitate to delegate. We often forget that the fact of being always overloaded leads to feeling a strong pressure of what we have to accomplish every day, and in particular leads to bringing work home. Being a manager means knowing how to trust the other people on your team. It’s up to you to distribute the workload to your colleagues. Finally, we leave work at fixed times. Yes, even if it is difficult at the beginning, we force ourselves to be present at home for our child at a reasonable time in order to take advantage of him, ”he explains.
Create a closer relationship with your child
Helios’ dad notes over time an obvious bond with his son: “I notice a certain bond between us, even if at the moment he’s testing a lot, so we have to make him understand that there is a symbolic barrier. not to be crossed. In my way of addressing him, I try to be positive, I encourage him, explain things to him, compliment him. I fully subscribe to the movement of positive education, ”he adds. As in his free time, this father is totally involved: “Our weekend is totally organized around our son Helios. With the mother, the three of us go to the baby swimmers, it’s great! Then, after a nap and a snack, we go for a walk with him, or to visit family or friends. We try to make him discover as many different things as possible, ”he explains.
A greater sharing of daily tasks
The UNAF survey also reveals that these fathers participate in daily tasks, especially on days when they are not working. In general, the tasks are still well shared: dads take part in leisure time or accompany their children to activities, while mothers take care of meals, bedtime and medical follow-up. No big changes there. The vast majority of them (84%), however, declared that they had no difficulty in carrying out parenting tasks. On the other hand, monitoring the child’s education, going to bed and controlling sleep are the ones that pose the most problems for them. “The longer the period of absence from home, the more the proportion of fathers declaring that their spouse is more comfortable with children than them increases”, notes the study. But unlike women, they very rarely consider working less to make themselves available. The researchers conclude that this question still remains unanswered for many couples: “Is this a legacy of the traditional division of roles, where the father plays the role of the main provider of financial resources? Or again the fault of the resistance of employers to let fathers adjust their working hours, or even behavior in reaction to the wage inequalities which remain in the majority between men and women, ”asks the study. The question remains open.
* UNAF: National Union of Family Associations