Turinys
The reproaches. Berk! I don’t know a lot of people who like or accept them. Do you like reproaches? Me no! It’s always a bitter dish to digest.
On the other hand, there is no doubt that criticism and critical comments can also help us develop. Well-meaning, thoughtful comments help us expand our horizons and avoid blinders.
Unless you live like a hermit, it’s virtually impossible to avoid critical comments and blame. Like it or not, these are part of the human experience. Existence offers us a daily and inevitable dose of it.
In contrast, many schools of thought view reproach as offering considerable learning potential.
To grow bitter or grow?
How can we learn to accept blame? And what role does the mindfulness technique play in this process?
Robin Sharma, author and leadership advisor, has said in the past: “Blame can sour us or make us grow. “
In this article, we will explore the different opportunities offered by criticism of us. augti. I personally find mindfulness to be a very effective approach that helps me accept blame with curiosity. To
This approach allows me to overcome the somewhat reptilian – and very predictable – reflex known as fight-and-flight that trigger reproaches.
There is no doubt that seeing another image of myself in other people’s remarks acted, in my case, as a very powerful catalyst for growth.
I am thus able to identify and understand elements of my personality to which I would remain completely indifferent without this interaction.
Over the past few years, there have been significant debates and research papers emerging among management experts and top-rated leadership schools on how best to provide and receive critical feedback.
Consciously used, they lead to personal growth and development. On the other hand, if they are not woven with sensitivity and counterbalanced by empathic support, they can have the opposite effect.
What reaction do the reproaches trigger?
Let me ask you a few simple but personal questions. Have you ever become aware of the mechanism that is triggered when you receive criticism? It is really fascinating. And science has managed to provide an explanation.
It may be surprising to learn that the reasons that trigger resistance to blame are well founded. In fact, as soon as the critical comment is made, our biological profile predisposes us to close the hatches.
Our brain is programmed to protect us from reproach as it reacts to ancient fears relating to survival, such as the fear of being sidelined by the tribe.
So don’t lose heart: It may be the chemical functions of the brain, more than mere arrogance, that make you explode instead of staying calm and listening to the reproaches that are made to you.
This really matches my personal experience. I realized that when faced with negative comments, my own perceptions are clouded. I become susceptible and my view of the world and of my skills becomes narrow.
I doubt myself. I have the impression of being a draw and seeing it in everyone’s eyes. It is not pleasant. It is even possible that on occasion you will feel anger, resentment, or even outrage.
It is therefore clear that reproaches have the capacity to trigger powerful emotions within each of us, and this regardless of the real motives of the person expressing them. Do the people who express criticism always have your good in mind?
This is probably not the case, but let’s keep an open mind for now. The truth is, most of us aren’t objective enough about the intent of people who criticize us when we hear their comments.
How can the mindfulness technique get you to accept blame?
First, let’s take a close look at what science is telling us. Ruby Wax, author and champion of the technique known as mindfulness, writes in her bestselling book Sane New World, “Mindfulness starts the part of the nervous system that controls ‘rest and digestion’ mode;
This technique increases blood flow to parts of the brain that handle our emotions, such as the hippocampus, the anterior cingulate cortex, and the lateral sections of the prefrontal cortex. Our heart rate slows down, our breathing calms down, and our blood pressure drops. “
Neurology tells us that meditation and mindfulness can grow gray matter in various parts of the brain. There are two sections of the brain that benefit particularly from the use of meditation and mindfulness: the anterior cingulate cortex (CCA) and the hippocampus.
The CCA has a self-regulatory role. The hippocampus is associated with emotions, self-image, introspection and compassion.
It turns out that mindfulness has the ability to develop and trigger the parts of the brain that not only help you not react, respond passionately, or go defensive when blame rains down, but you also learn to examine and learn from the facts.
5 ways to use mindfulness to learn to accept blame
Stop and breathe
When you take a deep breath, you reconnect with your body. You instantly take root in the moment, and take root again on earth.
When you receive blame, it can trigger the production of the stress hormone cortisol, which reduces your perspective on the world and puts you in a fight-or-flight reflex. It makes you blind.
Suddenly the person who is speaking to you becomes a mortal danger that must be annihilated or avoided.
As we often say, breathing a little can make a difference.
Lėčiau
Too often we curl up, become defensive, and resist reproach. Mindfulness, on the other hand, can help us develop and strengthen the parts of the brain that allow us to take a break, slow down, absorb, and breathe.
It is truly quite surprising to realize the power that just slowing down can have. Slowing down will especially help you avoid saying or doing things that you will immediately regret.
And now that you are able to put to rest your desire to defenestrate the person blaming you, a whole new range of possibilities opens up to you.
Baras
First of all you can now slow down and quite simply, at first, repeat the comments in question to their author. A tiny little act of mindfulness like this can give birth to wonders.
This allows you to take charge of your rational capacities. It is now possible for you to address the facts presented to you instead of giving free rein to your primitive reaction.
Often it is impossible for us to hear the content of what the person is telling us, because we are already at the center of a narrow vision that places us in a fight or flight reflex.
On the other hand, if you manage to take a break, wait, and listen, the results will be surprising. You will suddenly be able to hear what the other person is saying to you.
4. Observe your answer carefully
Mindfulness is an approach of being present in the choice that prompts you to eventually react with rage or not. If you develop a deep interest in your emotional reaction, it will be possible for you to control it straight away.
According to Ruby Wax, “UCLA researchers have found that when people become aware of their ‘anger’ and refer to it as ‘anger,’ the amygdala, the part of the brain that generates negative emotions, calms down. “
When you are able to see your reactions for what they are, you instantly begin to overwhelm them. This process manages to remind you that you are more than just your emotion.
From then on you become able to go beyond all this, to concentrate on your most sophisticated cognitive functions, and to trigger them.
Consider the details
Being fully aware of all your reactions, your breathing, your thoughtful pause, your listening… all of this arms you and prepares you to address the facts.
During this process, you look for a solid foundation in order to center yourself well before really dissecting the critical comments and examining their accuracy. Mindfulness will guide you through this process.
As soon as you start this process, you manage your energy and your attention in a fairer way and remove the stress from your spontaneous responses. You will now be able to fully consider the person speaking to you and their position.
It will become clear to you when this one perhaps has your best in mind. And then the reproaches may indeed be well founded!
How do you develop your ability to practice mindfulness?
Following 5 steps of mindfulness is no easy task. I realize the challenges perfectly. Breaking the cycle of fierce and repeated reactions that we experience when we feel threatened takes effort and a lot of practice.
However, here is a precious little tip. One of the effective ways to develop your ability to practice mindfulness is to start with meditation.
Meditation and mindfulness are actually two very similar things. When you meditate, you stabilize yourself by relying on your inner calm. A daily meditation session can help you stay focused on that inner calm when emotions try to take over.
For me, meditation is a way to recharge my batteries which can then generate my act of mindfulness. Check out our series here that will help you discover how to make meditation a daily habit.
The mindfulness technique at work and at home
In a professional context, it can be extremely important to achieve this technique of mindfulness. You need to accept criticism and react positively to it if you want to develop and build trusting relationships with your colleagues.
Your ability to take blame, as a leader, can impact the whole culture of your organization. Are you going to sour or grow taller? The answer will be decisive for the future of your business.
I have worked in the past in an organization that was characterized by a climate of fear. One of the causes of this syndrome was that our manager was unable to receive reproaches without imposing retribution. The cost was considerable. The body ends up collapsing one day.
There is no question that soliciting criticism is crucial to the tone and tempo of the institutional culture you develop. This act indeed demonstrates a certain humility and gives everyone permission to be fallible and human.
And this will be key in the survival of your mission, whether your organization is religious, non-profit, a market business, a rock band, or any other group structure.
These mindfulness techniques are just as useful at home. I’m sure you realized it. The occasions on which I have managed not to speak nonsense by taking the time to breathe in the face of a reproach are countless.
Mindfulness and the ability to receive blame with grace are arguably the most crucial interpersonal skills you can possess. Simply practicing these five steps of the mindfulness approach will lead you to enjoy more confidence, more intimacy, and the potential for growth with your partner.
I don’t always like what I’m told but 90% of the time the facts end up telling me the other person was right. It’s hard to deny the obvious.
Whether we like it or not, blame is a part of life. The next time you are told, focus on these five stages of mindfulness. You might be surprised to realize that when you refocus, slow down, and take the time to breathe before facing it, the result is not what you think it is at all. No, you are not going to die of it. On the contrary, you will probably actually benefit from it.