Turinys
There are three main reasons that cause a person to resent others.
The first reason for resentment is manipulation, and deliberate. The person deliberately «pouts» to make the other feel guilty. Most often, girls do this when they want to get what they want from a man.
The second reason is the inability to forgive. Unfortunately, this is what causes most of the offense. If you look at this reason from the other side, then it can also be called manipulation, only unconscious. In this case, a person often does not understand why he was offended. Just offended — that’s all. But on the other hand, he knows very well how the offender can make amends.
And the third reason for resentment is deceived expectations. For example, a woman hopes that her beloved will give her a fur coat, but instead he presents a large soft toy. Or a person expects that in a difficult situation, friends, without any requests from him, will offer help, but they do not offer. This is where resentment comes from.
Basically, people become touchy in a state of stress, depression, quarrels with a loved one. Those who are in a state of serious illness are usually especially touchy: they often take offense not only at their loved ones, but at the whole world. This feeling is inherent mainly in the elderly and people with severe disabilities. Often offended by everything and those people who feel sorry for themselves and love too much. Even the most harmless jokes or remarks made about them can upset them.
What is resentment and how does it happen
Never being offended at all is difficult, but we can control this emotion. It should be remembered that in psychology there is such a thing as touchiness, that is, a tendency to constantly resent everyone and everything. Here you can and should get rid of resentment. After all, this is not so much a feeling as a negative character trait, an undesirable frame of mind.
An adult, even if the words of the interlocutor touched him, can calmly and judiciously continue the conversation. An adult and wise person, if there is a need, can calmly tell his interlocutor about his feelings. For example: “Sorry, but your words now sounded very offensive to me. Maybe you didn’t want that?» Then many unpleasant situations will be instantly cleared up, and there will be no resentment left in your soul and you will be able to maintain good friendly relations with the person who unwittingly offended you.
Consequences of frequent grievances
If a person does not engage in self-development and continues to be offended by everything, this can not only cause the development of all kinds of diseases (the so-called psychosomatic factor), but also lead to the loss of friends and constant conflicts in the family, up to divorce. No wonder the Bible calls pride one of the most serious sins, because it is because of pride that a person is most often offended.
Because of an unforgiven resentment that corrodes the soul, a person can spend a long time mainly trying to take revenge on his offender, coming up with various plans for revenge. This will occupy all his thoughts, and meanwhile his own life will pass by, and when he finally notices this, it may be too late.
The one who walks with resentment in his soul gradually develops dissatisfaction with life, he does not notice all its charms and colors, and negative feelings corrode his personality more and more. Then irritability, anger at others, nervousness and a state of constant stress may appear.
How to deal with resentment and stop being offended?
Understand why you are offended
Start keeping a diary of your emotions, noting every half hour how you feel. This is a surprisingly simple and very effective tool: you don’t seem to be doing anything, but you will definitely be less offended (and, in principle, be negative). The next step is if you are still upset or offended, write down why. Specifically, why? When the stats come up, you’ll have a list of your traditional mood lowerers. And then you think and write a list of your mood boosters: what can you do to make your mood improve? How to write 50 points, so you will begin to look at life much more confidently and more cheerfully.
€ ‹â €‹ â € ‹â €‹Look at life positively
Train yourself to see the good in life. American scientists from Stanford University studied people who were easily offended and did not forgive their offenders for a long time. It turned out that those who adjusted to a more positive perception of life and were able to forgive, began to quickly improve their health: their headaches and back pain disappeared, their sleep returned to normal and peace of mind was restored. How to turn to the positive? Be sure to watch the wonderful film «Polyanna» — and you will not want to live as before!
Value your time
Resentment takes you a lot of time and effort, makes you engage in nonsense. Do you need it? Learn to value your time, write down your entire day every minute, which includes everything: work, rest, sleep — and get down to business. You will be busy with business — you will be less offended.
Pratimai reguliariai
Sports people are offended less often — checked! The most “anti-offensive” are extreme sports, if you are still afraid of these sports, start with simple exercises in the morning. Or maybe you decide to douse yourself with cold water? Amazingly switches the head to joy and cheerfulness!
Skaityti knygas
Smart and educated people are less offended — it’s true! Read good books for 1-2 hours a day, discuss books — this will become more interesting for you than being offended. What to read? Start at least with my books: “How to Treat Yourself and People”, “Philosophical Tales”, “A Simple Right Life” — you won’t regret it.
Right Society
Write down a list of the people you see and talk to the most. Emphasize those who have a good character and who you would like to be like. Cross out those who themselves are often offended, envious, speak badly of others and who have other bad habits. Well, here are some recommendations for you, with whom you should communicate more often, and with whom less often. Think about where else you can find yourself a good, right environment.
My children got carried away by ShVK (School of Great Books), I can recommend it to you too: interesting and intelligent people gather there.
In short: if you associate with problem people, you yourself become problematic. If you associate with successful and positive people, you yourself will become more successful and positive. So do it!