Kaip atpažinti netinkamą partnerį

I recently met my friend Mark. He said that his wife was having an affair and they were getting divorced. I was upset: they seemed to be a harmonious couple. But, on reflection, I came to the conclusion that in their relationship one could notice signs that increase the risk of infidelity.

Despite the fact that cheating happens quite often, you can protect yourself if you find the right partner. To do this, already during the first meeting, you need to evaluate a new acquaintance by answering a few questions.

Does he or she look like a person who can change?

This question seems naive. However, the first impression can be quite correct. Moreover, it is possible to determine the tendency to betrayal even from a photograph.

In 2012, a study was conducted in which men and women were shown photographs of people of the opposite sex. They were asked to guess how likely it is that the person in the photo has cheated on a partner in the past.

The women were almost unmistakable in pointing out the unfaithful men. They believed that a manly appearance is one of the signs that a man can change. Brutal men are more often unfaithful spouses.

Men were sure that attractive women were cheating on their partners. It turned out that in the case of women, external attractiveness does not indicate infidelity.

Does he/she have a sexy voice?

Voice is one of the signs of attraction. Men are attracted to high, feminine voices, while women are attracted to low voices.

At the same time, men suspect the owners of a high voice of frivolity, and women are sure that men with a low voice are capable of treason. And these expectations are justified. Men and women with pleasant voices have more sexual partners and are more likely to cheat on spouses. They are interesting to spend time with, but long-term relationships with such people often turn into disappointment.

Does he/she have problems with alcohol and drugs?

People with alcohol, drug or other addictions often turn out to be unfaithful partners. Addiction speaks of problems with self-control: once a person has a drink, he is ready to flirt with everyone in a row, and often flirting ends with intimacy.

How to find the right partner?

If the signs of potential infidelity are immediately noticeable, then it’s not so easy to understand that you have a person who is not prone to treason.

The risk of infidelity is reduced if partners have similar religious views and an equal level of education. If both partners work, there is less chance that a third one will appear in their relationship. And finally, confident people are less likely to cheat on partners than those who have self-esteem issues or signs of narcissism.

In the current relationship, the listed signs are not so indicative. How likely infidelity is is best indicated by the dynamics of the relationship. If over time, satisfaction with the relationship of both partners does not decrease, then the likelihood of betrayal is low.

About the author: Madeleine Fugar is professor of social psychology at Eastern Connecticut University and author of The Social Psychology of Attractiveness and Romance (Palgrave, 2014).