Turinys
Hello dear readers! For some reason, our culture tends to paint loneliness in negative tones. Individuals who are completely free from relationships and marriage are perceived as unhappy and somewhat limited.
The people around them urgently try to find a couple to “calm down” and “breathe” — the person managed to “attach” and now he lives as expected.
Although it happens that on the contrary, they are envied, especially by those who cannot cope with everyday life and other family responsibilities.
Therefore, today we will consider the pros and cons of loneliness. In order not to judge the situation one-sidedly, believing that “the grass is greener behind the fence”, but to really look at the possibilities and limitations, without any illusions and fantasies.
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Šventės
The pace of life of a modern person is so fast that he sometimes does not notice how the days fly by. Which, in principle, make up this life. And when you manage to pause, a new problem arises — the inability to retire.
Because there are certain obligations to the family, the partner requires attention, and it’s banal — he just doesn’t understand how it is to want to be in complete isolation for at least a short period of time. This is disturbing and causes restless thoughts that love has passed, that something has happened and the relationship is now in jeopardy.
But it’s so important to gain strength, recover, think about what you usually don’t have enough time for, where you want to move on, and finally know yourself.
Not free people have to contrive, and go, for example, to the mountains, to go fishing. Some, not noticing their need for this solitude, may begin to get sick, moreover, with such diseases that require complete rest or repel others.
Savęs ugdymas
A large amount of free time allows you to engage in your self-education. You can learn English or Japanese. Or attend training sessions to deal with any of your own limitations.
Let’s admit, to realize the fears that usually «slowed down» and did not allow to move forward, to realize their plans. To learn oratory and, in principle, to speak freely in public without shrinking into an invisible ball.
Freedom is just a great opportunity to take care of yourself. And if at this period of life it is available to you, be sure to use it. At least read books for self-development. After all, knowledge helps to make life better and happier.
vykdymas
Mostly women are afraid of this condition. Therefore, they do not always realize the fact that they simply «ran away» from experiences, life’s troubles and other things, agreeing to marry the one who called. Thinking that now everything will work out and happiness will come.
But, as you understand, basically these illusions remain illusions. But their owners during this family period can lose a lot of opportunities. For example, refusing some amount of work to lose the competition for a vacancy in the enterprise.
So, if you have not yet met someone with whom you want to not only fall asleep, but also wake up, realize your ambitions. Ideally, of course, when marriage is not an obstacle to career growth. But, unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.
Hobiai
Some people are so «burdened» in everyday life, work, that they are simply not able to allocate time, physical resources, and often finances for activities that bring satisfaction. When the family budget is planned and does not include spending on hobbies at all, then all that remains is to wait until, finally, it will be possible to make dreams come true.
For example, men are considered breadwinners in the family, especially if the woman is on maternity leave. It is necessary to ensure the future of the child, it is not at all the time to spend finances on teaching yachting and so on.
For those who can safely afford any financial expenses, it will not be entirely convenient to leave their beloved alone during such a period for the sake of such desires and hobbies. Those who are not burdened with responsibility for the good of the family manage their free time at their own discretion. No excuses, no guilt, etc.
emocinis stabilumas
In the case when a person consciously makes a choice to be single for a certain period, he is able to see a lot of advantages in this state. The most important of which is peace of mind.
Partners are different and it happens differently with them. Someone seeks to dominate, someone makes scandals based on jealousy and unjustified expectations. Or even worse, uses violence against a loved one, is addicted to alcohol or chemicals, gambling, and so on.
Troubles and conflicts, which are inevitable in any relationship, cause a lot of unpleasant emotions, sometimes requiring superhuman efforts and a large amount of resources.
And the emergence of any difficult situation, which is completely impossible to cope with, can even lead to exhaustion and depression. This destroys health, activating first of all chronic diseases in the body, as well as emotional instability.
Trūkumai
Neigiamas poveikis sveikatai
If loneliness was forced, then living it is not easy enough. Left alone with fears, pain, anger, resentment and disappointment, the individual will have to do a tremendous amount of work on himself. To notice your desires and get satisfaction from their implementation.
Basically, they try to cope with these feelings through alcohol and nicotine. Trying to escape from them, not to notice.
In addition, the inability to share your feelings with someone close also causes powerful stress for the body. Emotions are energy that must constantly circulate in order to ensure the vital activity of all systems. And if you do not give them an outlet, this energy will accumulate in the body. Destroying it gradually, forming into muscle clamps and so on.
Unstable sex also negatively affects health. Yes, and changing partners, sometimes not very well known, is a risk of catching sexually transmitted infections.
Žemas savęs vertinimas
If we return to the stereotypes formed in society, then to have a soul mate means to take place, to be realized. The one who turned out to be lonely is looking for reasons in himself. His self-esteem levels are down. He is not chosen, he fails to meet someone interesting in order to build close, trusting relationships.
There are thoughts of unworthiness, inconsistency. He analyzes his qualities, actions and looks for those responsible for what does not work out for him.
And to restore self-esteem — you need to make a lot of effort. Believe me, this is not an easy job.
Nepriklausomybė
If a person is alone for a long time, she gets used to cope independently with various difficulties and tasks. She organizes her life in a way that suits her, without adjusting to the interests of others.
And just get used to this freedom. Freedom to manage finances as you please, vacations and weekends, and your health, after all.
And when a loved one appears, it turns out that she has forgotten how to live with someone. Independence becomes so valuable that for its sake it is quite possible to sacrifice the need for stability, the ability to share emotions, and so on. Only now the internal conflict still makes itself felt.
Izoliacija
Living in a state of total loneliness isolates from other people. That is, the person either withdraws from others, becomes isolated, or becomes overly active and obsessive. What scares even those who were initially interested.
Gradually, degradation may even occur, that is, the loss of skills and knowledge that they previously possessed. In this case, this is the ability to communicate, behave in society, build friendships, collegiate or love relationships.
As you understand, it is impossible to live like this for a long time, at least calmly, enjoying every day. Therefore, unfortunately, a large percentage of people who committed suicide are precisely those who felt they were not needed by anyone, not understood and not interesting.
Užbaigimas
Finally, I would like to emphasize that loneliness is a temporary state. Unless, of course, a person has gone forever into the very thick of the forest to spend his days alone with nature. Where it is simply physically impossible to find at least some interlocutor or partner.
But if you suddenly realized that in your case there are more minuses from this state, a period of life, than pluses. I recommend that you read this article.
Rūpinkis savimi ir būk laimingas!
Medžiagą parengė psichologė, geštalto terapeutė Žuravina Alina