Turinys
Evoking death: a normal stage in its development
For some time now, our child has been talking more about death. In the evening, before going to bed, he kisses us and says, spreading his arms: “Mom, I love you like that!” I don’t want you to die. If you go, I will follow you in the sky. Words that hurt our hearts and surprise us without always knowing how to talk to him about death. If this situation is certainly delicate, evoking death is quite normal for a child of 4 or 5 years, who discovers the world. “He realizes through the death of his pet or a grandparent that life is fleeting. He tells himself that it can happen to the people closest to him, to whom he is attached and who have always protected him. He also wonders what he would become if that happened to him, ”explains Dr Olivier Chambon, psychiatrist, psychotherapist.
We avoid making it a taboo
The specialist specifies that from 6-7 years old, the child will ask himself even more existential questions about life, about the origin of the world, about death… “But it is only from 9 years old. , that he understands that death is universal, permanent and irreversible, ”adds Jessica Sotto, psychologist. However, from an early age, you should talk to him about these topics and answer his first questions about death to reassure him. If we dodge the explanation, the unspoken sets in. Death becomes a taboo which can lock him in on himself and further distress him. The explanations will depend on the model, the beliefs of each. We can also use books to find the right words.
To read: “Daring to talk about death to children”, Dr Olivier Chambon, Guy Trédaniel editor
A clear answer adapted to his age and the circumstances
According to Jessica Sotto, it’s best to avoid saying that Grandpa is in heaven, has fallen asleep, or is gone. The child may wait for his return, think that he will see him if he takes the plane, or that he may die if he too falls asleep. If the death is due to a serious illness, it is named so that the child does not think that he can die of a simple cold. You have to be clear. “We tell him that most of the time we die when we are very old, which is not the case. We explain to him that the body no longer moves, and that even if his body is no longer there, we can continue to remember this person, ”suggests the expert. Thus, a clear and adapted answer will help him to understand and be more serene.