Vaikas atsakys į tokį prašymą.

Protingi tėvai turi linksmus, protingus ir paklusnius vaikus. Be to, protingi ir mylintys tėvai tuo rūpinasi: rūpinasi, kad jų vaikai būtų ne tik protingi, bet ir paklusnūs. Tai atrodo akivaizdu: jei norite išmokyti vaiką daryti gerus dalykus, pirmiausia turite išmokyti jį elementariai jums paklusti.

Sakote vaikui: „Reikia nusiplauti“ arba „Nusiplauk rankas!“, bet jis jūsų neklauso. Jūs primenate, kad laikas atitrūkti nuo kompiuterio ir sėsti į pamokas, jis susiraukia iš nepasitenkinimo: „Palik mane ramybėje! „Žinoma, tai netvarka.

Unfortunately, ordinary children have long been accustomed to not listening to their parents: you never know what they say! And the point here is not in the children, but in us, in the parents, when we say things that are important for us to the children somehow not seriously, not paying attention to whether the children are listening to us or not.

If you just told your child “Clean up your room!”, you haven’t really done anything yet. Most likely, your child, without turning his head, will mutter to you: “Now!”, After which he will continue to go about his business. And then forget. Perhaps you will forget about your request too … This is not the case. If you haven’t tracked whether the child hears you, whether he is ready to perceive you as an elder, whether he will do what you told him, you teach the child that you are not a significant person for him, not authoritative, that you can not listen.

Follow the format. Children are in different states. When a child is calm and looking at you, he will hear you and do what you ask. If you speak to him when he is grimacing, you are talking to the wall. Before you ask a child for something, make sure that he is standing normally and looking at you. Sometimes you need to ask him about it separately, before the main request, sometimes a careful look and a pause help … One way or another, can you handle it?

Your requests should be calm but clear instructions.. In form — soft requests, in fact — an order, in content — clear instructions. For example,

“Son, I have a request for you: please clean your room. Clean up the bed and put all the extra toys in the box. When can I come and check that you did all this?”

“Lessons first, computer later. Is that how it is with us? So, the computer immediately turns off, sit down for lessons.

The relationship between parents and children at the same time cannot be reduced to orders and instructions, and without them it is impossible. Simple and clear orders-instructions are needed in relations with a small child who does not understand complex things and ornate appeals; clear instructions will be very useful when a child with your help masters any new business or at least for the first time does a difficult exercise from homework; firm instructions are given by the parents to the child when the child tries to disobey the parents while they address him in a gentle way.

Where parents read long morals, children get used to letting them pass by. Do you need it? No. Then speak clearly and concisely, essentially giving commands. Than endlessly reminding: “You didn’t brush your teeth again, you are so forgetful! You will have holes in your teeth. Here your brother never forgets to brush his teeth…” you can simply remind: “Teeth!”. If you say it cheerfully, the child will run to brush his teeth just as cheerfully. Of course, to form a habit, you will need to repeat this for at least a week, but this form is good at least because it does not annoy anyone.

Or the situation: a tired mother came home from work and sees that the house is a mess, her daughter scattered all the toys around the room. Of course, I want to swear: “Well, How long can you repeat the same thing! Why don’t you ever put your toys back in their place? How long will it last?…” – but, firstly, it is dreary, and secondly, the result will only be an altercation. Try something else: say it softer, but with clear instructions: “Daughter, I’m so tired at work. I would be very happy if you put away all your toys and we cook something for dinner together.” It sounds better. Practice, you will succeed — and will please everyone.

How to correctly formulate your requests-instructions is a separate science. A few hints:

Your requests should sound weighty. If they threw something on the go and were distracted the next second, they won’t hear you. If you want to be heard, take what you say seriously. If you are serious about something to the child, organize the situation so that the child looks into your eyes and is not distracted by anything else. If the child is small, it is very good if during the request you sit right in front of him, hold his shoulders and talk, looking into his eyes. If your teen son is sitting at the computer, first ask him to turn around to you, only then make a request. Yes?

Put the correct intonation. It turns out that if you say the right words with the right intonation (which you can quite master), the children will do what they are asked. And if you say the same correct words in the same relationship with a different intonation, more familiar among mothers, the children will twist their faces and will not do anything. Everything turned out to be quite simple, and if you still haven’t been able to do this, you can master these effective intonations in a few days. And your kids will listen to you. See details →

Make sure your child agrees with your request. Do not just ask: “Please go to the store!”, But clarify: “I need to go to the store, I don’t have time and I’ll ask you to help me. Can you do it right now?» — and listen to the answer.

metu. Best of all, those requests are fulfilled that sound on time, when they can be fulfilled in the course of life, naturally and easily. The request to throw away the garbage bag is inappropriate when the child has already undressed, having come from the street; it sounds better when he has not yet undressed; and is performed naturally when the child is dressed and ready to go outside. Look for the moment when your request will sound on time!

Mandatory control. If you asked the toys to be cleaned up, you need to track whether the child removed the toys after that or not. If the daughter promised to run to the store right now, then make sure that she does not sit back on VKontakte, help her get out of the house.

Your words must be worth something. In the bathroom — if the child pours water on the floor, warnings follow, and then the cessation of bathing. If you have warned that untidy toys are thrown away, the untidy toys should be gone. If you say that you won’t run after a child, you can’t run after him, but if you, sitting down in front of a child and looking into his eyes, said that running away from adults when adults call him is wrong and adult children are punished for this, then after This child must make sure that you are serious and it is really impossible to run away from your parents when his name is called. If you agreed, but the child does not comply with the agreement, agree on sanctions. Adults agree on this: are you going to prepare a child for adulthood?

A sketch from life… A girl of four years old runs along the track, where athletes train on the boards. It’s dangerous, her mother shouts to her: «Nellya, run to me» — Nelya continues to run where she has fun. Mom screams: “Nellya, run to me immediately!” — Nelly zero attention. Mom is already yelling: “Run here quickly, otherwise I’ll kill you!” Nell slowly began to move towards her mother. She ran, her mother pulled her hand, scolded: “Why don’t you listen to me?” — and they went together to buy ice cream …

What did your daughter learn? That mom needs to be obeyed, but not necessarily right away. And even better, if not right away, then mom will scream, and this is more fun … Could mom have acted differently? Yes, she could, and probably even should have acted differently. It’s not hard.

At first, everything was just as my mother did — shout loudly and confidently: “Nellya, come to me!” If you don’t fit, you can shout loudly again, or you can run up to your daughter yourself to get her out of a dangerous place. The following is important — after the mother and daughter were together, without any twitching of the hands, the mother needs to sit down in front of her daughter and, looking into her eyes, carefully and calmly ask: “Nellya, please tell me, I called you — why didn’t you come to me right away?» — and wait for an answer. Wait for an answer. Perhaps Nelly will not want to answer right away, she will be silent. Mom will ask the same question again, just as calmly looking into her daughter’s eyes: “Tell me why didn’t you come up to me right away when I called you?” Sooner or later, the daughter will answer something, for example: “I was interested there!” It is obvious that she understands everything, but she is trying to play the fool. To this you need to say: “Yes, it was interesting there, but what should you do if I called you seriously and loudly?” — “Come…” — “That’s right. Should I approach right away or run some more at the beginning?” — “Immediately …” — “Thank you, daughter, you already understand everything. In vain I don’t call you, but if I call you, you need to run up to me right away. Ask your forgiveness and promise that next time I won’t have to shout to you several times, you will come to me right away … ”- That’s it, the situation is resolved well.

If this happens again (this is quite possible), everything repeats just as calmly, only it is added: “Tell me, what should I do if next time you suddenly do not fulfill your promise?” — and the daughter, together with her mother, agree on some kind of reasonable punishment. When a mother looks her daughter in the eyes and expects her daughter to answer her every question reasonably, everything is really decided. Soon, mom does not even need to scream, her daughter will run up as soon as she was asked about it.

You must have leverage. If a child tests you for strength, you must be stronger. You can often hear “I later”, “I don’t want to!” or directly “I won’t”, they can shoot at you with the phrases “I don’t love you” or “Parents, you don’t love me!”. Experienced parents smile at this and resolve the issue quickly. So you have to deal with it too.

When you learn how to correctly formulate your requests, unnecessary conflicts will disappear and your relationship with your children will become warmer. Your children will start to obey you, you will like it, and the most interesting thing is that your children will like it too. Moreover, when this happens, you will be able to take the next step…​​​​​Attention! There is another important trick to building relationships with a child, namely, the possibility of developing an unconscious habit in a child to obey you. “To obey or not to obey parents” is determined not only by what and how the parents say, it is also determined simply by the child’s habits. There are children who have the habit of mindlessly obeying everyone, and there are children who have the same habit of mindlessly obeying no one. These are bad habits, and your children should have a good habit: the habit of being attentive to what you say, the habit of doing what you ask them to do, the habit of obeying you. And if you want, you can develop this habit in your child. Teach your child to listen and obey you, and you will have your parental authority, you will have the opportunity to raise a developed and thinking person from your child.